Parent LIFE

Cut-It-Out!

with Dr. Allison Rees 

As parents, we are constantly looking for ways to improve the lifestyle allison_reesand well-being of our children. But did you know that one of the best things that you can do for your child is to develop your child and parent connection? Our Child Development Advisor and Parental Educator, Dr. Allison Rees, has dedicated her professional life to helping parents do just that. Watch this page each month as Dr. Allison shares her secrets to making a better life for you and your family through her Cut-It-Out remedies. And don’t be afraid to share this month’s message with your friends

APRIL 2015 – Taking it Personally?

When kids are struggling for independence they will often get frustrated with your control.  They will argue and resist requests, react negatively about anything that comes out of your mouth and even call you a “Butt Head” or scream, “I don’t have to and you can’t make me!”  If you are taking this personally, you really need to CUT IT OUT!

It is hard and it hurts but when healthy kids are in touch with their need for independence and autonomy this means you have done something right!     Their behaviour is teaching you to treat them differently.  Young children will want to do things for themselves and get angry when you take over.  Older children will criticize how you breathe and would rather die than be seen with you in public.  How could somebody you have loved and cared for so deeply treat you this way?  Would you notice their need for independence if they didn’t?

What to do: 

  • Tell yourself that this is a stage and it will pass.
  • Stay calm and try to have a sense of humour.
  • Examine your strong feelings of rejection or sadness, could it be that your child is triggering something else in you?
  • Avoid the guilt trips, you don’t want them putting their needs aside to nurture you.
  • Limit the rules and stick to the ones that really matter.
  • Keep your cool and tell them how you would like to be treated rather than acting like them.
Our Little Warriors Martial Arts Program helps children to understand their feelings and teaches them ways in which they can replace uncomfortable ones with ones that make them feel better.

Describe what you see: “I notice you sharing your toys this morning.” or “You got dressed and grabbed your knapsack without being asked this morning.” or “I notice you wiped the kitchen counter.”  Notice effort rather than result: Children feel encouraged when you notice their positive effort and that encourages the process of learning rather than the focus on results.State a feeling:  I feel so relaxed, grateful, relieved ….  When I see …….Ask children how they feel about their job or what made them think of doing the way they did.  “What made you write such an interesting paragraph on your paper?”This works well in other relationships too.  How often do you express sincere appreciation to your partner, your colleague or somebody who has provided a service?  Specific feedback gives people information about what they are doing that is working.  We all benefit from a positive approach.  What positive action have you noticed today? Describe what you see: “I notice you sharing your toys this morning.” or “You got dressed and grabbed your knapsack without being asked this morning.” or “I notice you wiped the kitchen counter.”  Notice effort rather than result: Children feel encouraged when you notice their positive effort and that encourages the process of learning rather than the focus on results.State a feeling:  I feel so relaxed, grateful, relieved ….  When I see …….Ask children how they feel about their job or what made them think of doing the way they did.  “What made you write such an interesting paragraph on your paper?”This works well in other relationships too.  How often do you express sincere appreciation to your partner, your colleague or somebody who has provided a service?  Specific feedback gives people information about what they are doing that is working.  We all benefit from a positive approach.  What positive action have you noticed today?Dr. Allison is available for article contributions and speaking engagements. Further information about Dr. Allison or how you can contact her can be found at the LIFE Seminars website www.lifeseminars.com .